Times have changed, technology makes us faster, and able to do more. Moms these days do more than we ever have. We have these overloading expectations of healthy living, healthy mind, healthy discipline, a karma Sumatra sex life, clean the house, pay the bills, budget, save, do the kids homework & school events, plus, don’t forget to eat your kale and rub coconut oil all over yo’ body! It’s exhausting, and quite frankly, I’m not capable of keeping it all together. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to! I don’t want to be a burned out mom-zombie, walking through life trying to “do it all” I want to live life on my terms, and my way.
How Did We End Up Here?
In the 1950’s, 19% of mothers worked. As we know, that number has increasingly grown, with the demand for higher income household’s and being able to survive. Most families are living paycheck to paycheck. The most recent numbers being pulled, show 60% of mothers (with children 6 or younger) are working full-time, and at least 80% of mothers with children ages 6-17 are also employed full-time. Women are required to keep the long list of responsibilities they have, even when returning to the work-force, an average of 98-hours per week. Laundry, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping, meal planning, check-ups, and the list goes ooooonnnnn……Some families absolutely cannot afford mom staying home. It’s that simple. Don’t tell us we just need to stick to a budget, it is not always a choice.
So how did we end up carrying this enormous load, and burning out? When did it become the responsibility of a working mother to be perfect at home and at work? To work like she has no children and raise children as if she has no job? Why do we have to keep it together every, single, moment? We may joke and have mom memes showing, “we’re normal” “this is funny”, and “I’m a real mom just like you,” but it’s the load! It’s this insurmountable list of “things-to-do” lurking at every turn.
Well, mothers nurture. The responsibility of mothers creates accepting, loving, understanding environments for children to grow in. The actions of a mother create a child’s sense of self, and perspectives on life. These children depend on us, and we, as mothers, want to give them every single opportunity to love, grow, and experience a fulfilling life. We take on this responsibility and just do it to the best of our ability. So, what are women supposed to do when they are burnt out and running on empty?
You Do You Boo
I see an older generation of women that worked their fingers to the bone. They raised kids without help, and they still work to this day! Hard workers, not complaining, and they do it all without flinching. Does my lack of enthusiasm for running around like a chaotic hamster on a wheel make me a bad mom? Absolutely not! Some of us have partners, my partner gets an up-close and personal sneak peak behind the curtain when I’m having my “freak-out and turn into scary woman/mommy moments.” He’s always there to catch me and calm my storm down.
I know some of you may be saying “oh, my goodness, Becky…he should be doing it all the time, helping you balance…” and for your opinion, I thank you, however, I’m a type A personality, and that’s my own fault. I like to run the ship and he doesn’t necessarily enjoy it, but when I need him to, he’s always there to take the wheel and let me rest….so there’s that…Also, to the single mom’s out there doing it all on your OWN, you are friggin’ ROCK-STARS!! I cannot imagine raising children or running a house by myself, and you should know that you are one amazing individual! Hands down! So all the moms, you get to do you boo. No matter who you are, or the circumstances you are facing, you get to make the decision on how your life goes.
Mother without the fear of judgement, biased opinions, and ridiculous expectations…”
What’s the Takeaway?
Here’s the takeaway, the house is not always clean, like sometimes, the floors aren’t mopped for a month (shhhh…don’t tell anyone). Other times, my laundry sits in baskets on my bed for over a week. I definitely despise folding socks, so we have the “sock-bin” and it’s like “Finding Waldo” every morning. Moms are burning themselves out trying to do it all, and we’re finding more and more women being prescribed anti-depressant medication to help them stay afloat. Click link for CDC depression site just for women.
Doing it all is a fairy tale. Mom, it’s OK to just juggle what’s important for the day. You don’t have to do it all, and you definitely don’t have to do it every, single, day. Turn off the endless list of “I need to“, and focus on one thing at a time. Stop letting your mind ramblings take over your present self, and just be. You’re already an amazing mother and doer of many things, so realize it and stop worrying. Focus on what makes you happy and do it, without guilt, without fear, and you’ll see that only your opinion of yourself matters. Nothing else.
How to Chill-Out
Burnout is a physical and mental state of exhaustion due to long periods of chronic occupational stress. This pent up waste needs to be released from the body. Here are some ways to get rid of the junk and bring back that bright shining light:
- Write it down: that’s right, write down exactly what you feel, even if it doesn’t make sense. Read it, tweak it, and acknowledge it. Getting it out in the universe gets it off your mind.
- Delegating work: Get an idea of where you can start eliminating unnecessary work, that can be delegated to others. Children can do chores, it’s OK to teach our babes how to be self-sufficient.
- Take a salt bath: 15-minutes of an Epson or pink salt bath actually heals your body on a molecular level. These baths clear the negative energy and regenerate tired cells. Set a timer, put on some spa tunes and chill out. You’ll feel refreshed and clear.
- Be with people who make you laugh: Laughing is essential for healing the soul. We all need those bust out belly laughs, and good times with friends to recharge. Set aside a day to chill with the pals and get in your happy place!
Only your opinion of yourself matters. Nothing else.”
Live Your Best Life
I want to actually feel free to have fun, explore, and learn about being a mother without the fear of judgement, biased opinions, and ridiculous expectations, including exasperating lists! You can do the same. Be you, because you’re amazing! Remember, your 24-hours doesn’t have to look the same as another mom’s. Moms are different, know their kids, and there’s no wrong way to be a good mom. If there is anything that can be taken from this article, remember to shut down the guilt, the busy-ninny gossipy mind, and do one thing at a time. Finally, take back control, and find joy in every day life, moms everywhere absolutely deserve this!
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